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Recently dont know why keep waking up late is it because he is no longer around. Maybe this is what my life should be, emo-ing.

So what if I really miss you, will you turn your back to look at me once? Will you turn your back and look at me once? So what if I want to see you now, will you fulfill my wish and come and visit me once? What i can say now is none of those above you ever do. Just now looking at your blog what I can see was all your flirting, will you ever grow up and start to treat those girls who are truly love you. How about your recent ex, she was so prefect, she is even more better than me like 100x, she is more gentle, more caring, give you the love is even more than what I can give you.

She is truly a very nice girl all this time seeing her with you, I really happy for you but now seeing your flirting problem reactivated again. When will you stop torturing such a nice girl??

SKIP

As for me I already stop finding for the right one actually I should say I give up. I give up to find, give up the rights to fall in love, I totally give up this life of mine now Im just dragging my feet to live, live for the sake of living cause to me honestly there isnt any meaning to continue to live on. Now for exact is actually even if I want to die those people who still care for me wont let me. Actually do think that if one day I died will anyone  remember me, I think they will remember but as the time goes by I doubt anyone will remember me. They will continue to live their life like there isnt a person call Joey (that is me, my name).

[~Will you people still will remember me even if I had die, I doubt no right. Nobody will.~]

Recently life quite sian..
Burn lots of oil for my exam on 6/06/11 but then my paper was like OMG..
Whole paper is like dont know how to do my mind was like BLANK totally..
His image keep flashing in mind..Hoping that he can fly to my side to comfort me..
But I know that is impossible he can no longer be there for me FOREVER..

After exam my mood was like HELL PLEASE JUST TAKE MY LIFE CAN YOU!!
My world is like missing a part of you..
Without you my life is incomplete totally incomplete..
Hell please stay with me I really need you now..
Dont leave me in the cold and dark places, you know that I my true self is a coward..
I not like what I present my self in front of others a brave and courageous, you know that totally..
Why do you still wanna leave me in cold and dark corner do you ever notice how much I cant do without you..

Even yesterday I went for my piecing my mind keep flashing your face to let me not to be afraid of that pain hoping after that moment you will be in front of me comforting me saying is ok I will be there for you forever..
I really miss your loving nagging please come back..
Wait for you really making me going crazy..
Really miss your voice, your jokes, your smile, your everything that keep me ongoing..
Will be missing you here..

I'm back to blogging for now maybe back to blogging when I'm free..

Recently my life is still the same as usual, studies studies and still studies cause my class test is coming but then I didnt even care about my class test though is very important but that person is not there for me. He is not with me, he is now having his army service but never the less he did comfort me at that moment of giving up living in this world..

At that particular day, I was totally at the brink of tears(but in the end I did cry somemore I cried for like from morning to afternoon) because of this particular person who didnt even give her best on the end-year project that  we suppose to finish 50% of the project. But in the end we had to chiong finish our project within 2weeks which was totally impossible for us to finish cause the project was like 25% finished so if we use 2weeks to finish is still impossible..

That's when my emotion went awry I started to cry from my afternoon lesson which started from 1plus and I cried till 3 4plus then I messaged him telling him I wanna give up hanging there and end my life. After messaged him I did my retest for one of my modules.

 Reached home started to use computer to forget everything that happen during the day just then during evening I received a call from him then I knew that I called my handphone but I didnt answered so he was very worried that why he called my house hoping that I will answer the call..

I was so shocked to receive his call, he started to console me, started to tell me to hang in there cause there are alots of people like her so he told me to be more optimistic cause this is one of the way to dont think too much and not to start to think too much. I dont know why everytime he start to console me or comfort me  I will feel so happy that he is always there for me even I was so alone in this world like an ophan. He cares for me, dote me like no others guys did..

So I really want him to be with me side by side with me, I'm someone that is afraid that someone that I care for will leave me alone to face the storms even now I think about it I still will cry cause the feeling is like a part of your heart is being eaten away. I dont want!!! Facing the storms alone really makes my heart cold, I want my heart to be warm again..

Boy, I really like missing him even more every single day as he is the only guy soulmate I ever had..I really miss him alots..Hope that he can bring me to watch sunset..>_< 

I promise I will try to find some time to upload some pictures of me recently as I bought new contact lenes..>0<

Today is such a very nice day nya..
Went to sch as per normal did all the necessary things for our EOY project actually quite funny though I was the only one preparing the information for my group presentation but ended my Felicia also help up to do after she did finish her Java project which I did anyhow by copying teacher sample and edit it here and there..

Asking friends whether later have the retest if not that baka teacher's lesson Im not going to go instead I rather go to meet my dearest bestest friend PeiSan. Meeting her was like going for a roller coaster so anxious cause we will like very long never meet up. At first we went to Lot1 wanna catch some movie but they said this week is public holiday week so dont have any discount so ended up we went to Causeway point to shop instead on the way we shop at Lot1 for awhile then moved on to Causeway Point.

Shop at Causeway Point de UNIQLO for awhile test out some clothes, in the fitting room I was like OMG I so fat le cause I cant even wear that pansu =0= (Gotta slim down on my food :'( ) Continue shopping with PeiSan shop until sian. So we went to Yew Tee Point instead. Wow I really miss that place my first job was at there but now the shop is not there anymore.

Both of us went to buy drinks and slip into LJS, talked alots of stuff like catching up some old times that we share together when we were in pri sch. Suddenly she give me some links of someone that we once knew. Actually that time she told me she saw him I was like "Really??? If I go and find him will he still remember me??" but now I dont wanna give myself any false hope so I dont even wanna think to much about it.

Just hope he will one day remember me and come to find me..M I very imaginative still thinking that he will remember me? Is had been like 5 or 6 years since we last met.? Please comment to let me know am I thinking too much..>_<

Trying my best to bring my blog to live..

How about talk about things that happen recently cause I can only remember things that happen recently..Recently make myself a twitter account cause seeing that alots of my classmates having twitter and most of their times also spend on tweeting so I also wanna have to..

Honestly is because I'm someone that is afraid of being alone and I wanna be even closer to my friends..I dont wanna have any gaps between us hence I keep trying to be closer to them by tweeting but in the end most of my time is tweeting with those celebrities that I follow such as kamen-chan(kat-tun), taguchi-chan(kat-tun),yamapi-chan(NEWS)..They are very friendly and very humor too...

I never knows that celebrities can also be so humor to people like us the feeling is like a friend that we can talk to and is like they will cheer us up by tweet to us..Like once kamen-chan cheering me up by calling me bachiko..
To some may not know bachiko have alots of meaning but the most commonly is saying you are cute like hachiko..Or you are friendly; have a innocent heart; have a kind and caring heart..

Being able to be call as bachiko really makes me very happy...Feel free to follow me..I will be glad to be your listening ear or someone you can talk to..http://twitter.com/#!/nissy_lovingyou

AAA / 旅ダチノウタ

[Nissy, my baby, my darling..Dont sad dont emo like me, too emo not good for you..

You must stay happy as always cause I fall in love you is because your smile lighten up my life 5years ago so please dont emo..

kkk]

Dunno what to write...

[真的很想用歌曲来表达我现在的心情，

你在下个月就要离开我一阵子，

明知到只是两个月，

可是我还是会很想你的。

我着几天一直在想要着么样让你会偶尔会想起我，

但是最后还是不知道要这么样才能让你不会忘了我。

我们在这几年关系才变好多，

终止言之我会永远想你这个好朋友和一个异性的知己]

Blog going to be dead cause I dont have any mood or feeling to keep carrying on with this blog..

So I might be stopping blogging for a break or something but I will still come back to look at my blog for once or twice..

[Having to know that loving you need this much of pain and endurance makes me think that happiness is such a small part of life. I shouldnt need that keep thinking of you and you will come back. I should think that knowing that you are now so lovey-dovey with the one you love is the best comfort to me. Once again I wanna thank you for the memories you gave me even though is just 3mths but it still quite a wonderful memories cause I actually could feel the love you give me at the period of time..Thanks..]

Yuya Matsushita-Naturally

林峰---直到你不找我 KTV

This is 谈请说案's opening and also ending song..

Lovin this song to the end, listen to this song makes me even more understand this world that makes me feel so cold inside..Knowing that this world has changed, you are no longer there for me anymore really makes me feel even more colder inside..Now it makes me feel like my heart getting more and more frozen..I think when school re-open I might be come someone who has no longer have any soul ba..

[really wish that someone could save me but on the another hand wish that I dont to be save by anyone..]

Raymond Lam Fung 林峯 - Change A Style To Love You 換個方式愛你 KTV

Love this song so much..

林峰-愛在記憶中找你 KTV

Love this song..

林峰 - 我們很好 (HD 演唱會 KTV)

Love this song too..

[MV/HQ] Raymond Lam 林峯 - 讓我愛你一小時 Let Me Love You For An Hour

Love this song..

Haven sleep...Not very de tired so watch drama and playing games..

Wondering how are you now..Missing you right now..Even though I shouldnt think of you but I still love you abit..

Haa..actually is missing you not love you..miss your presence in school how I wish you can be in school faster...Knowing that everything is different now but still wanting that we could like a friend together talk and not keep running away from me..

Hope that one day we could go back to the past...

[MV/HQ] Freya 林凡 - 這樣愛你好可怕 (Zhe Yang Ai Ni Hao Ke Pa)

Recently went for my cousin's wedding..Actually I went there just to see only..

At there eating the food they serve us but inside me was bleeding hard cause knowing the promise you gave me will never come true..I will NEVER EVER BELIEVE SHOOTING STAR NOR ANY THINGS THAT SAY BELIEVE IN IT AND THE THINGS YOU WISH FOR WILL COME TRUE..

How I wish that, I never knew you but on the other hand I wanna know you cause you gave me the love is too unique..How I wish that you are with me now listening this song with me..Crying out to you in my heart knowing you love her now more than me..But I wanna hear you saying that you still love me even is just once..Just once that is all I wanna know..I still love you...

Akanishi Jin PV Eternal.avi

Really hope that this song can send this message to everyone in
Japan dont give up stay on..Think about the peoples that love you,dote you..
Dont give up..

And also I would like make this song as my theme song..
To remind me of the promise that guys gave me cause the promise
of giving me eternal happiness is all fake, is all lies..
And now I'll only believe eternal is nothing...

Helpless Night ～JIN AKANISHI IMAGE VIDEO～

Really love this song even though this isnt the mv for this song but still I like it..
Hope that this song will be come someone and the another someone's them song...

Matsushita Yuya - Paradise

Yuya Matsushita - Negai ga Kanau nara.... PV

宮野真守 Mamoru Miyano - Refrain PV [Full]

Now @0305hrs,

From yesterday 2100 till now, fb, watching drama....

So sian..nothing to do..msn with kok hui also so sian..

Like everything I do also sian..

Even now blogging also so sian..

Later then post more thing la..Hais so sian dont know do what better..I think I will slack till 4plus ba..

Now @2312hrs,

o4oohrs plus went to sleep till 1000hrs, then zuo bo till night..

Using fb, watch 快乐星期天..

Finally, let me find part where he attend 快乐星期天..

It was so nice and I also got to know the story behind why he sing 眼泪 in 快乐星期天..

It super duppy nice..Loves him ttm..muacks:33333my mars-dardar..

Recently, after watching 极道学园 I keep dreaming of Dean Fujioka Tatsuo and Mars Ma Ru Long.

It was like "Waaaa..OMG".......Dean is like an angel of all realm and Mars is like a guardian of the realm of cuties..

How I wish that I could spend one whole days with Dean and Mars..muacks:3333333 Hope one day we could go on a date..

Haaa..But I know that is impossible and yea law didnt say we couldnt dream or should I say day dreaming about guys rite...Cute guys are meant to be adores and to care too..

Looking at my blog just now suddenly feel like my blog somehow become more and more stable. It proves to me that I can live without him in life and I even can move on too.. Is really up to me whether I wanna let it pass anot.!

Knowing that this post maybe quite short but it tells how I feels now..

[爱你， 不爱你， 爱你， 恨你， 讨厌你， 其实这一切都是一时的过了就什么都没关系了。我们都是比齿得人生过客罢了。]

哈哈，突然好像变回以前的我，那么单纯可爱的我。赫赫，可是我也知道那是不可能了。

Now in sch, blogging..Heee..Teacher teaching was like bullshit lor..But then maybe is because I dont wanna listen ba.

Listening to songs now.I still love listen to sad love story songs lol.Maybe is because sad songs are the only thing that wont change for me. Like I said sad songs is the only thing that wont change for me, things like love no love is not a thing is a feeling that I shouldnt trust in it again or should I say I shouldnt touch it again. Blame my hands, my stupid heart why should I believe it again.

How much love pain should I endure till I find it. Imma so fed up of waiting no I should say Imma so fed up of finding the RIGHT ONE.

Loving you doesnt mean that you have the priveledge to hurt my heart that is recovering. When my heart finally recovered I wanna accept you but when I haven even say a thing, you throw/abandon me. What does this mean???

M I so worthless to you, doI look so not deserve your love. Cant you wait!!! For me!!! Do you know is so painful in me that you left my side you are the another him just like him. Left me alone to suffer the pain of losing of you.

Is the same pain that he infilcted the pain on me 6yrs ago. I really cried out your name in my blog but I know that you wont wanna see me or my blog ever again. But do you ever occur to you that I maybe at somewhere looking at you or your blog.>o<

But then sometimes going back to see your blog also no use cause you will never update.

[~Missing you somewhere in this world, wishing you that you can look at me once eye to eye~]

Yesterday, woke up as usual 0800 did all the usual stuff. Went to school as usual but is just abit different as when I reached somewhere near ESSO I saw Samson loitering near ESSO so I went up asking why he appear here. When I was about to ask he ask me to see something, I was shocked to see that it was a stray dog that looked so cute but always very shy cause it kept running away from us.

Then Samson said to me that he will go buy the dog food and ask me to lookout for the dog dont let it run away. I did what Samson asked to do, did a lookout for the dog. It run left, I went left, it run right, I went right till Samson came to me with the dog food then looked so happy to see him with the dog food maybe because I love to see the dog eating.

Then in between there something occur that caused us unable to feed the dog but then thanks to Samson and me because of our determination and it did pay off because the dog kept following us that when we know that actually the dog wanna eat is just because we were kept looking at it.

So we put down the dog food and went off but we looked at it when it was focused eating, somehow when looking at it we felt so happy maybe that should be the way life should be. Reached school with Samson and we kept looking at the at far to make sure it is fine then we then went in to class for lesson.

During our break at 1130, we went to eat then some of us went to EACH OF CUP there to play MONOPOLY DEAL. Just then when playing with them, I suddenly have this kinda of thoughts.

In relationship view

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple is just like the properties and the player. Player puts down the properties and then suddenly the other player use 'SLY DEAL' and steal away the properties that you have. Unless you have 'SAY NO'. Is like the SLY DEAL is like the 3rd party in the relationship of you and your stead. Steal away the love of your life knowing that is wrong to steal but then you got to know that if you love that person you will wanna to use all kind of method to have it.

But if you have the SAY NO you stop it from happening, is like your love must be strong enough to overcome it otherwise it will easily be crumple or should you think is it you that stick to your stead to close that he/she cant breathe. If it is true then you should reconsider your actions.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Think......that...........you can have everything that you wish for. Think again.!!!

[亲爱的，你的好我想念，你的笑脸我想念，你的可爱我想念，你得以且我环念。所以渴望你能看看我一眼，我只想看看你那长脸罢了，希望你能成全我的小小的要求。可以吗，亲爱的你？]

Why does having a partner so important why being alone is so unbearable to go through.?

That was what I always thinking about..But what I wanna say is that S.I.N.G.L.E also is a very unbearable thing too. You know why.? is because there are too many things privileged only being attached can indulged in..

Really hate being alone..!! But being alone sometimes also quite good..SOMETIMES ONLY..!!! Do anyone knows that Im just pretending that IM fine.! Do anyone knows that I have being bleeding for a long period.! Do fucking anyone knows that..??!!

Bleed too much will die..,, since no one knows that I have being bleeding then let me bleed till I die ba..!! The worse is only my heart dies......

[Really hope that you could just turn your back and save me from bleeding..Really if you really turn back and save me I promise you will do anything you wanna me to do..Please come back..]

So long never update blog liao..

Have been going to sch like so long ago but my emotions keep staying at the same place..EMO

Have been trying to make a big smile so those who care for me and love me de will not worry for meeee..

Now the modules that I now is studying is damn freaking difficult to study lor..

Even in class listen I also dont understand,,,,I think maybe need ample of peace and more going out with my dearest PeiSan ba..

We 2 like 1year plus never go out together lor..

Really miss those times we two spent together catching movie, chit-chat, gossip hais life is like that need ample of peace and more going out with some one who went through ups and downs with you for a long period of your life..

Like me and her, we two knew one another since pri sch and have been in contact all the way till now but of course of studying so we two quite a long time never go out together le..

But dont know why now feeling like wanna go out with her of course I got chat with some time ago and she also said that this fri go have a dinner together..

When she said like that I feel so happy but sad for her cause she gonna be my "rubbish bin" again...

But i know she wont mind de cause we two know one another for so long and also friend are meant to be "rubbish bin" for one another de..

Hais I think maybe next month I will be updating my blog again ba..

I think every month I will summaries the whole month into one post ba..

I think like that is the best way to balance my study and blogging ba..

[Loving someone doesnt mean you gotta have him/her is having to know that he/she is happy]